Its been a while.

So I have not had a chance to post anything new, and frankly have not had time to write anyevaluations about any new books. So here are some papers I have recently written in some of my classes that are somewhat entertaining. Enjoy.

Fatherly Fears

            Growing up is a difficult process for most people, and for myself it has been a process that has been fought tooth and nail. It feels like I was hanging out with my friends in high school just yesterday, but sadly this was years ago. After graduating the real world came at me at an extremely fast pace, and I feel as though I am a couple of laps behind. When you are young you never think about a mortgage, insurance, gas, electricity, or even water, but when you experience the “freedom” of the real world these are the things that you must learn to take care of for yourself. It has been almost ten years since I graduated high school, and there are many things that I find myself still trying to master, and last year I was met with the most difficult challenge of my adult life, my wife was pregnant. The excitement I felt when learning that I was going to be a dad was quickly overcome with a feeling of sheer terror at the realization that I was going to be responsible for a human life. I am barely surviving as an adult, how will I take care of a child? My wife and parents found my debilitating fear amusing, and kept telling me that I would “figure it out”. Figure what out? Babies scare me. There was no hope; I just knew that I was going to fail.

            The first six weeks were not bad, simply because when they are that age they don’t do much except eat and sleep, and it helped that my wife, Megan, would be on maternity leave so she would be home at all times. I had a little bit of supervised practice feeding and changing, and was never out of earshot of calling for backup. This helped, and I was able to gain some confidence. I started getting comfortable with the little one, Sophie, around the end of week five, and was feeling pretty good about my abilities to warm a bottle and change a diaper while only using two wipes (apparently half of a box was not necessary, as I had originally assumed). Then my world was shattered, I had my first night alone when my wife went back to work. I felt that I exuded a certain confidence that helped to put my wife at ease, but on the inside I was a terrified child. I was praying that I did not end up burning down the house or losing the baby on a city bus (I am not sure why I was worried about a bus, but I had seen a Friends episode so I knew it was a possibility).

            The night started off smoothly with just a couple of average sized diapers and some uneventful feedings, but then around three in the morning all hell broke loose. It started when she woke up and quickly realized that I was not mommy, and that mommy apparently was not coming. She did not like this, and for this I cannot blame her since I would much rather wake up to seeing my wife than my unshaved face in the middle of the night. She flipped out and was screaming as though she was being set on fire, which I swear was not the case. This seemed to set the next couple of hours in motion. After finally getting the bottle warm enough for her to eat and into her mouth I got her to calm down. I figured that upon her eating things would settle down, but then I ran into another problem. As we were sitting in the chair enjoying our quiet time, a giant spider ran across the floor into her little “bouncy-mobile-floor-play-thing”, I promptly took control of the situation and let out a little yelp. This of course scared her at which point she spit up about half of the bottle. After wiping her little adorable chin off, and dry heaving the entire time, I laid her on the changing table to get her out of her little night gown so I could change her. This was an event in itself; I never knew that an infant’s onesie had so many complicated buttons. I finally got a clean night gown equipped with penguin feet on her and laid her down in her crib to go back to sleep.

            She went to sleep nice and easy, and then I headed back to her room to find and destroy the intruder.  It took me a few minutes, and I had to move just about everything in the room to find him, but I finally ran the spider out to the middle of the room where an epic battle ensued, myself coming out as the victor. We had waged a brutal war and there were casualties on both sides, the aforementioned “bouncy-mobile-floor-play-thing” did not fare too well, but the room was safe once again. As I was wiping the sweat from my brow and relishing in my victory I heard cries coming from the other room, and I knew we had a problem.

            It seemed as though my little angel was awakened from her heavenly slumber by more projectile vomiting that had this time covered not only a penguin night gown but also the majority of the crib. I spent another twenty minutes or so changing her into a new night gown, this time with teddy bears, and a few more cleaning out the crib, which probably would have taken less time had I not been struck with sudden incapacitating retching. After everything, and everyone, was all cleaned up we took a little bit longer to get back to bed this time, and needed some Shel Silverstein mixed with a little smooth jazz to get her to finally give into falling asleep. She probably did not trust closing her eyes for fear of what might happen, and I really can’t blame her, but once she did everything went just fine. After she drifted off, I passed out in a heap of exhaustion on the bed; it had been a long night.

            I was awakened by the refreshing glow of the morning sun, and my wife standing over me poking me. I was a little disoriented, and it took me a few minutes to get my bearings, but she was wondering why the baby room was a complete wreck, and why Sophie was wearing a night gown that was on backwards. I recounted the events of the night, and explained how the mess made in her room was the result of a life and death struggle between the forces of god and evil, and how I think my infant daughter had eaten some bad Thai food because she obviously had a stomach problem. Luckily my wife understood the situation and just sighed and told me to go back to sleep, that I deserved it. I felt that I had earned that right. She picked up Sophie and took her into her room to change her and feed her again, while I laid back and reflected upon a job well done. I knew that I was on my way to becoming an adult.

Here is another one.

Achieving Zen in the Rain

The United States have been associated with freedom throughout their relatively short history, and because of this people have been drawn to America and its land of opportunities ever since its discovery. While people that are from different countries are enamored by the promises of America, many Americans often times take our freedoms for granted. The culture in our country is often overlooked, and there are many Americans that go their entire lives without experiencing the majestic qualities of this country for themselves. I am able to recognize this and felt that I was one of these people, and decided to do something about it. My grand idea for experiencing what America had to offer and how to go about searching for the freedom and allure that is associated with our country was to take a road trip down the coast on my motorcycle, the ultimate representation of freedom and a way to truly observe what America had to offer.

            My plan was simple; I would start from my house on a Friday afternoon and head for the coast, and eventually make my way back home on Sunday. I had no plans or predetermined restrictions that I was going to hold myself to. I just knew that the way to experience the true sense of escaping the world and achieving that elusive freedom that was so often referred to was to not limit myself to plans or restrictions. I would follow the coast and achieve a life changing clarity that I knew could only come from a motorcycle road trip. I’m no fool, I have seen Easy Rider and have read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and I knew that all I needed was the open road and the wind in my face to achieve that clarity that is so often sought in our lives. I was positive that I would have an experience that would prove the validity of Existentialism and would make Kierkegaard proud; after all I have seen it happen in the movies.

            With this mentality I set out. The first day was very uneventful from a perspective of someone that is searching to achieve philosophical clarity, and by nightfall I found myself in a cheap motel a few blocks off of the beach just south of Virginia Beach. I had not made the groundbreaking advancements that I had originally anticipated in the beginning, but I was not deterred as I knew the trip was just beginning. The next day I continued my quest south along the coastal highway, and kept a sharp eye open so I would not miss my Siddhartha like moment of clarity. I even made sure that I was readily available to receive my gift of enlightenment by stopping by the ocean every few hours to just look at the water. Wasn’t this where many found their explanation for existence? So far in the trip I had found nothing and had not felt the epic sense of freedom that I knew was out there. Dejectedly I pointed my bike back north and prepared for my journey home.

            After spending all day Saturday riding, and spending the night at another roadside motel some blocks off of the main strip, I woke up on Sunday morning and prepared for the journey home. I swear I could smell the odor of the sheets even as I travelled seventy miles an hour down the road. I was just glad that I was done battling the freezing temperatures of the stone-age plumbing. At this point in my trip I was really beginning to feel as though my Zen like experience had been dropped off at the wrong mile marker, and I had simply passed it out there on one of the back roads, or maybe it was left on the main interstate. Whatever the case was I knew I had failed in the great American Road Trip. It seemed as though the weather was in synch with my melancholy mood, because a few hours from home the thunder clouds began to gather, and I knew I was about to get wet. This was perfect; I was on a back road that I knew would not be lined with gas stations to provide me with the sanctuary of shelter.

            As I continued down the highway looking for anything I could possibly use to seek refuge under I saw through the rain two blinking lights. I was hoping that it was a sign pointing out a gas station or roadside diner where I could wait out the storm. As I approached the lights though I noticed that they were the hazard lights of a vehicle that was stopped in the muddy bar ditch. I had not seen anyone on this road for at least seventy miles, and was surprised that such a nice car would be out this way. Getting closer I noticed that there was someone squatting in the mud beside the vehicle attempting to fix some problem that seemed to have left the vehicle and its driver in the current predicament. I figured that out of compassion for my fellow man I was obliged to stop and see if I could offer any assistance. I pulled up behind the vehicle, cutting the engine and turning on my own hazard lights, and proceeded to approach the stranded motorist. As I came upon the driver I noticed that it was a little old lady, and she was fervently attempting to change a flat tire.

             I introduced myself and proceeded to offer my assistance in hopes of getting off of the side of the road, and hopefully out of the still pouring rain. Upon inspecting the situation I realized that not only did the woman have a flat but she had also damaged here brake assembly when she hit the bar ditch, in other words we were not going to be able to fix the problem without some extensive mechanical knowledge, and access to a garage full of equipment. I pointed this out to the nervous woman and offered to call a tow truck. I tried for at least half an hour to find a signal for either one of our cell phones and walked up and down the road in search of reception. I finally gave up. At this point the woman was overwhelmed with worry, and had no idea what she was going to do. Luckily the woman was from this area and knew that there was a house about ten miles up the road that would have a land line. I heard this and wasted no time in starting up the bike and getting on the road to complete the task at hand. I told the poor woman to get in her car so she could stay out of the rain; I figured there was no sense in both of us catching pneumonia. It took me about fifteen minutes to arrive at the house and no time at all to find a tow truck company that was relatively close, and a driver that knew the area. After relaying the message I told the driver that I would head back and flash him down when I saw him.

            I arrived back to find the stranded motorist waiting patiently in her car. I explained to her that the tow truck was on its way, and that I would wait with her until it had arrived to make sure that she got on her way. She offered to let me wait in her car with her, but by this time I was covered in road grime that I was sure would forever have a direct effect on my outward appearance, leading people to the conclusion that I did not believe in bathing. It took about thirty minutes for the tow truck driver to finally arrive, and I was taken aback when as the guy got out of his truck the rain completely stopped, some guys have all the luck. I stayed around to make sure that her car got loaded up on the back of the truck and then prepared to get my trip back on schedule. After this whole ordeal I had given up on my elusive moment of enlightenment, and only wanted to get into some dry clothes. As I was leaving the lady tried to pay me for my help, which I kindly refused, and then she said something to me that completely caught me off guard. She looked at me as she climbed in the truck and said: “It is people like you that make this country the great place that it is.” I stood in awe for a moment and watched the tow truck drive off down the road. That was my moment of clarity.

            The entire trip I was looking for a moment that would affect me, and trying to find my clarity. I came to realize that the freedom in America, and the emotional enlightenment came not from solitary reflection, but through the interactions that we have with one another. Clarity and enlightenment comes from our interactions with our fellow man, and the respect that we have for one another. The feeling that I gained from helping someone in need was far greater than anything I could have found on my own. I had achieved what I set out for, and had found the true sense of the American spirit on the back roads, in the pouring rain.