101 Philosophers

So I have yet to bite the bullet and conform to the new fandangled way of the world. I have not yet transitioned from the old fashioned world of physically turning the page to the science fiction voodoo of e-readers. Call me old fashioned, call me cheap, call me technologically ignorant, but I still prefer cracking the spine and turning the pages of books that came from the good old fashioned art of rain-forest-genocide. A few of the reasons I still purchase books are the fact that when people come over they are impressed by my vast library, I never have to worry about buying glass figurines to decorate my bookshelves with (I keep them in a decorative box under my bed because they are for me to look at and nobody else), and I still really enjoy going to bookstores to browse. The problem with buying books is that they have become so damn expensive, and branching out is difficult to do. I am constantly looking for recommendations from people I know, but there are only so many times I can tolerate being told “the Twilight Saga was soooooooooooo good.”  Unless you are a thirteen year old girl…NO IT WASN’T!!!!!!!

While browsing through my local Bookstore-Corporation-Location the other day I came across the sale section. This is the greatest place to find books simply because you can pick up a hardcover for like six bucks, and only be a few years behind on the author’s story arc. As long as I don’t constantly look to see when new books are coming out I think I’m up to date. But this is not the point. My point is you never know what little gem you might run across on the sale table, and I found an interesting little title that I thought I would try out. It is Madsen Pirie’s 101 Great Philosophers, and it’s great for a simpleton like me who likes to think they know a little bit about philosophy. So the premise is there is an ancient tribe of nomads who are in search of a magical amulet that will free the immortal tiger-god from its prison…no its not. It’s a list of 101 philosophers.

This may sound like a waste of time, but the beauty of this is that each entry on the philosophers is only 1 ½ pages. Trust me I have read a little bit of Bertrand Russell’s A History of Western Philosophy, and have found that philosophy is hard. There are big words and abstract concepts that make me feel stupid. I may not be the smartest person I know, but I can read words that are strung together. The problem is that in philosophy you will read four pages and end up having no idea what the author was talking about. Pirie does a good job of hitting the key points of particular philosophies, and not filling it with overly complicated philosophical jargon. This is a good starting point for anyone who might be interested in philosophy, but doesn’t necessarily want to do the legwork of sifting through thousands of years of philosophical work. Pirie briefly explains the philosopher’s ideas and relevance and then references some of their work. It’s not complicated and if nothing else you will learn a few new names of past intellectuals, and hopefully be able to throw a little philosophy into your next pick up line, I’m thinking something to the effect of:

“Baby you must have been what Leibniz meant when he said that God made the universe the best of all possible ones. I couldn’t imagine a perfect world without you.”

And then you could use the Socratic Method to convince her that turning you down is the wrong choice.

Surely this would work on an attractive lady in a bar (as long as she hadn’t read Candide). I don’t know, I haven’t tried to pick up a girl in a long time…my wife doesn’t allow it. Surely philosophy is a turn on…right? If not you can lead in with some interesting tidbit from the previous night’s episode of Jersey Shore.

Anyway, go check out this book and see if you can enhance your knowledge of philosophy one page at a time.

Oh Clive....So sentimental

I'm a pretty big fan of Clive Cussler, and think the guy can tell one hell of a story, but it seems that as he advances in years he has become increasingly more sentimental. I know it's very difficult not to become attached to your characters, especially the ones you have been writing about since the 70s, but enough is enough. The books I'm mainly talking about are those that make up the Dirk Pitt series.

First off you should know that the God awful movie Sahara was based on one of these books, but I'm comfortable saying that the failure of this movie was more Matthew Mcconaughey's fault than anyone's. Maybe we can throw the whole cast in there, I'm not sure I only made it halfway through. The next time Hollywood makes a film adaptation of a book they need to make sure that the screenplay writer has actually read the book. (Atlas Shrugged Part I anyone?)

Let's move on to my point. Throughout Clive's work he has always added himself as a character named...you guessed it Clive Cussler. Seriously in one book he tells Dirk to call him dad. I could kind of let this slide if his fictional alter ego was the same character every time, but nope he changes. Dirk Pitt has probably met "Clive Cussler" at least 10 times and every time it seems to be in a different scenario. Like I said, Cussler is one hell of a story teller, but come on. Let's get a little separation. Let's just stay out of it. It seems that every time his character appears he comes into the story to provide a little help to Dirk, and this is always in some minor way. Cussler- you are the author. You don't need to be in the story to save Dirk. You are writing the damn thing so technically you save him every time he gets into a scrape.

Whether he considers my recommendation or not (because I know most famous authors read this) doesn't matter, I will continue to read his books. Like Patterson's Cross series I have become attached to the characters, but unlike Patterson Cussler still dedicates enough time to his books that make them good reads. If you have never read these they are worth picking up. If you don't find them particularly interesting you can always turn it into a game of "Where's Cussler?"

We're back (hopefully)

So it has definitely been a bit, and I would like to blame this on life being busy, but ultimately it comes down to the fact that I am pretty lazy and kind of forgot about the blog. My bad. I would like to apologize to the one or two people who have actually taken the time to open my little musings (Thanks Mom!) and am now wholly dedicated to keeping up with this fine literary tool. That's right...tool.

So here we go.

I finally finished War and Peace and will ultimately have a long and boring in-depth post for it, but for now I'd like to bring up something that has been bothering me. Patricia Cornwell.

If you have never read any of her books I would highly recommend them, although her main character can come across as a raging Man-Hater every once in awhile. I'm OK with this to a certain extent (we can be dicks sometimes, and I accept that), but what I cannot accept is the fact that Cornwell decided to change the way her books were written.

The first books in the Kay Scarpetta series were written in the First person, and for some unknown reason she decided to switch to third. This may seem like a trivial detail, but remember how I mentioned her character can come across as a Man-Hater? Well now she is a Cold-hearted-Man-Hating-She-Beast from Medical School Hell. Whatever reason Cornwell had in making this switch better have been a good one because Kay Scarpetta is kind of a bitch now. I now understand why Marino was  always telling her this. I do have a theory about this swtich...can we say GHOST-WRITER? I hope that is not the case, but you never know. Why else would you F-up a formula that has worked for some twenty or so books.

All the series authors out there...STOP CHANGING MY CHARACTERS!

Something to Think About

Possessing potential for Greatness,
yet wrought with inner fear.
I teeter on the edge of action,
but fall complacently back to here.
It is the change of life that scares me,
the thought of failing too great to bear.
It makes me wonder if my mentors
were as easily prone to scare.

This seemed appropriate after reading Steinbeck's journals. Apparently the greats "were as easily prone to scare." Something to think about.

Steinbeck's Journals

A couple of days ago I read the journals of John Steinbeck that he kept while he was writing The Grapes of Wrath, and it was great. I couldn't believe some of the entries. It is no secret that I am a huge Steinbeck fan and I was looking forward to reading his daily journals as he was writing one of the best American novels of all time. The interesting part about his entries was how little self-confidence he had. He constantly said things like, "This isn't any good", "I'm not a writer", "Nobody is going to read this", it was unbelievable. Apparently nobody told him he was John-Freakin-Steinbeck. Some would argue that this was as he was starting out, but in actuality this was during one of the busiest times of his life.

As he was writing The Grapes of Wrath, Of Mice and Men was in the middle of its run as a play, and was being met with critical acclaim. Hollywood was making the movie, he had offers to turn another one of his books In Dubious Battle into a play as wel. He was also buying a ranch and building a house. So the entire time he was writing one of his greatest works he was overloaded with other things going on in his life. He had given himself five months to finish the book, and surprisingly he was able to meet his goal. He had told himself that he would write 2,000 words everyday, and he was able to do it. Some days he would get ahead and then be able to go into town and get drunk with Charlie Chaplin, and other days he would fall behind, but in the end he was able to finish in the time frame that he had given himself.

It was great to be able to read his daily personal accounts of his working strategy, and talk about writing some of the best scenes in American Literary history. He would explain what his plan for the day was and say things like, "Today the Joads must make it across the desert", and I would say to myself "I READ THAT!!!"

It made me feel like in some way I was helping. He would write about how it wouldn't be any good, and I would reassure him that it would be great. It was a team effort. So if you have ever read The Grapes of Wrath...You're welcome.

Tarzan of the Apes

At the urging of someone at work I read Tarzan of the Apes the other day. You know the book that all of those movies were based on with the man in the loin clothe yelling some kind of throaty battle cry (which in the book seemed to be much more bad ass). Well I have never watched a Tarzan movie in its entirety but I have to say from what little of them I have seen they looked a tad cheesy. In the book Tarzan was this hardcore borderline demi-god that kicked some monkey ass and caught lions with a rope.He was hardcore. I am thinking that there needs to be a reboot with a little CGI action. I mean imagine what we could do with the new Planet of the Apes special effects.

I know I would enjoy watching a ripped jungle man in a loin clothe wrestling a giant ape in defense of a southern bells honor (in a completely heterosexual way of course).The story itself is cool and if you can get over the somewhat cheesy dialogue it is a good read. Of course the actual book is a little different from the Hollywood version. Some of the characters are the same and his love interest is the well known Jane, but there is no conversation where he says in broken English "Me Tarzan, you Jane" which I found to be a little disappointing, but he did learn to speak French. Who would have thought that Tarzan spoke French...whatever.

I would like to say that I was soooooooo disappointed with the ending, but will not divulge why in case anyone actually wants to read the book, but I will say that Tarzan gets dumped on.

All in all it was a good book, and a quick read. I enjoyed it and it is one of those books that everyone should read simply because it made such a lasting impression on our culture. Hell even Disney made a Tarzan movie. I don't think I saw that one either, although I vaguely remember Rosie O'Donnell being a monkey, which seems appropriate (maybe she could be recast in a live action role as his ape mother).

So pick up Tarzan of the Apes and get in touch with your inner primate.

Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar...

This is one of the best philosophy books I have ever read. Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar... explains philosophical concepts with clear definitions and through the evaluation of jokes. These guys are freaking hilarious. They provide just about every concept with a joke that corresponds with what they are teaching, such as explaining British Empiricist Philosophy with this:

Morty comes home to find his wife and best friend, Lou,  naked in bed. Just as Morty is about to open his mouth, Lou jumps out of the bed and says, "Before you say anything, old pal, what are you going to believe, me or your eyes?

Of course they explain the correlation between the joke and Empiricism, which is basically the belief that senses are the primary path to knowledge, and questions what sort of information we can rely on. It's amazing that they take this philosophical argument, rationalism vs. empiricism, and give an example that is humorous and easily understandable. It is much easier to grasp the different sides of the argument in this example as opposed to trying to explain the idea of First Creation to someone with no previous background in philosophy. For a slow learner such as myself this is perfect.

My personal favorite example from the book is how they explain Illogical Reasoning.

     An Irishman walks into a Dublin bar, orders three pints of Guinness, and drinks them down, taking a sip from one, then a sip from the next, until they're gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says, "You know, they'd be less likely to go flat if you bought them one at a time." The man says, "Yeah, I know, but I have two brothers, one in the States, one in Australia. When we all went our separate ways, we promised each other that we'd all drink this way in memory of the days when we drank together. Each of these is for one of my brothers and the third is for me."
     The bartender is touched, and says, "What a great custom!"
     The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always orders the same way.
     One day he comes in and orders two pints. The other regulars notice, and silence falls over the bar.      
     When he comes to the bar for his second round, the bartender says, "Please aceppt my condolences, pal."
     The Irishman says, "Oh, no, everyone's fine. I just joined the Mormon Church , and I had to quit drinking."

HAHA...Mormon Church...get it?

Yeah so the entire book is filled with great stuff like that. If you are even remotely interested in Western philosophy (they don't really get into much Eastern stuff) then you should definitely check this book out. Even if you aren't that interested in philosophy the book is filled with great jokes.

You can buy the book here. Trust me it is worth it, and as an added bonus I guarantee that you will retain some of the information you read. So the next time you are sitting around discussing Existentialist theories with someone at work, you can through in your two cents worth.

I leave you with this, an example of a Paradox:

Pinocchio says: "My nose will now grow..."